Отново не е сред нощ , но аз отново имам неща за казване ( писане ) . Тоя път съвсем съм се изтървал , се едно съм си го развял по нета ... Някой психолог , вероятно би казъл , че здраво съм стъпил в редиците на тъй наречените attention whores , но това е защото не е виждал как се хиля като пача докато го пиша . Разбира се това че ми е смешно , далеч не означава , че не си вярвам на голяма част от написаното
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Сега да се върнем към темата на тоя пост , не че изобщо съм почвал по нея , но ... както и да е .
Става въпрос за един друг post който сътворих току що в един англоговорящ форум , където пиша когато не искам съвсем да се излагам публично , пък и на англ. по-лесно ми се развръзва езика . Въпроса е че поста се получи ... почти ... всъщност напълно гениален и освен , че ще го пратя на папата да го напечата в следващото издание на библията , се реших да го споделя и с вас
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Here goes nothing :
Original :
http://forums.wtf.com/showthread.php?p= ... post633426
Copy/paste варянт :
The Diaries of a Long Term Wanker
Well ... where do i start ...
I'm currently 18 , i found my dick , or rather how to use it , when i was 13 .
It was a hot summer day , it happened right after i took a shower . My bath robe was slide open and i was alone , the little buddy was calling me to touch it ... and so i did . As many of you knows , the effect was great , i mean as feeling , nothing else impressive happened . The load as to be expected ( i found that latter ofcourse ) was a mere drop on the head of the penis .
I can`t remember much of the details from my latter experiments , if there were any , but i know for sure that the famous self evacuating happened after the jerking had already become a habit . That was my first major cumshot so i have clear memories . I think i had already done it once , than i went to sleep , dressed in my pyjamas ( it was on white and green stripes with brown teddy bear on the chests , i know i was a bit old for that kind of a wear , but i liked it a lot , it was one of my favourit clothings ) . Somewhere in the middle of the night i woke up suddenly , my pants and my pyjamas were ... well not exactly wet , more like sticky . My belly was covered in the same substance as the other things . That cause a lot of troubles , i sneaked out of my room and went to the barthroom , where i had an emergency shower , and my first laundry experience ... Now that i think of it the sheets were clean , but that doesn`t metter , because as i found latter on , the cum has the ability to blend in , especialy if the sheets are not exactly snow white .
We turn to nowadays .
I've constantly jerked for the last 5 years , by constantly i mean at least once per day , up to 4 times for the more " convenient days " ( meaning nobody home ) . Needless to say somewhere in the process i found the miracle of porn . First as pics , because i had a shity modem i-net , then i got the high speed LAN i-net i'm using now , and hence i've moved to movies .
Three of my three hards are stashed with up to 10 gigs or so with porn , the rest is anime ... yeah i'm an anime fan but that doesn`t have anything to do with me being a wanker , regardless the association you`ve just made ... or so i say ... whatever .
Maybe here`s the place to say that i had sex ... once ... but it was fun . That fun unfortunately costed me a lot of efforts , and a lot of alcohol .
The action took place on one of my friends birthday party , the main acress was his 16 year old cousin . I was alredy 18 than , so as you may have guessed it was rather soon . We knew eachother formaly , and our meetings were mostly around her cousin . Somehow on the party mentioned above we found ourselfs together , the talks started going smoothly . And meanwhile we hittted the boze hard , now i can`t say that i wasn`t tryng to drunk her ... I'm not good with alcohol too , but still my mind was clear enough to strive to it`s general purpouse a.k.a. her panties . Once i sum up the situation i've made my move which was to be exact " Do you want to " , " Yes " she said ( hahah that sounded like One Night In New Yourk City - The Horrorist ) . That we moved to my friend`s parents bedroom which unfortunatly was locked , but that was hardly enough to lessen my enthusiasm . The next try was in her cousin`s , my friend`s , room . There were two guys who were listening to some heavy metal song on his pc , but i asked them if they could free the space and i think they were`re sober enough to get my point judging by the girly with my hand on here waist .
Now i'm not looking for an excuse but i think that it was the alcohol`s fault that i couldn`t " rise the sword " from the first battle command . A few minutes latter and a little of foreplay and i was ready for a ride . I sat on the bad with my back against the wall and she sitted on me ( btw it wasn`t here first time , so i haven`t done anything so bad , i wasn`t prepared with the safe precations too , but since were both live and healthy , and nobody`s pregnant i think i can call it a day ... ) I think i can thank to my long and hard years of " excercises " for the fackt that i didn`t have one of the most common novice problems ... the fast evacuation . It was about the tenth minute of our little adventure when i saw that she was acting strangely , i've decided to fasten up the things using one of my super wanker powers ... namely to come almost whenever i want to ... I tried to make a few faster pushes , when she slide of my body and throwed up in one of the pressent packages ... That put and end of the good part . I think she was quite exausted ( well she decided to be on top ... ) both because of the sex itself and because of the process of vomiting , not to mention all the acohol ... so she just lied on the bed motionless . I've puted her panties on ... on her hahah ... and lied next to her . Minutes later i throwed up too , but i wasn`t that acurate , and in my effort to pull the pressent package bag which she used i spilled het vomit too ... She found that quite funny , i think that she was somewhat better , my head too became clearer , and we both went out of the room joining the other guests . Her cousing cleaned our mess , which i'm very thakful for ( i bought him pizza on the next day , and believe it or not he wasn`t angy , or he didn`t looked like he is . We are still best friends so i guess i got it soft this time :0 ... Damn i hate that word " soft " , he was teasing me a lot after i gave him a detail explanation of what exactly happened from the moment i stepped over his doorway . Anyways , the night went on quite casualy , me and her talked a lot ... it turned out she had a boyfriend and that was her first time she was cheating on him ( or so she said ) but she didn`t looked bothered by that fact .
The point of this whole story is that i know how does sex feels like , and i'm pretty much sure that i'm able to get sex if i want to , but compared to the simplicity of my left palm ( i'm right handed , but i prefer my left as a sex mate ) the effort just doesn`t worth it . If by some totaly random events a girl come to me and say that she wants to be my girlfriend , and she wont be a total bother i'd be glad to accept her , but till than i have porn and i have hands YEY for jerking . Don`t let that damn girls lead you by the nose just because you want sex . That last part was a joke ofcourse , everybody knows that a real woman with her boobs , lips and ... other importnat parts is much better thand a dark room and a towel ... or a tissue a matter of choice , but still since we leave in a stupid world were women don`t act as we hope and want them to and we can`t do any god damn thing to change that fact , the warmth of your hand is betther than no warmth at all .
There are a few more things i`d like to anounce .
I've been jerking for 5 years and i've never been caught red handed . Not that i live with the illusion that my parents are stupid enough not to know what their son is doing in the long cold nights ... That`s first , the second is that as you`ve probably noticed by my story about the sex experiment all that constant wanking actualy gave some results . I really know a lot , about my second head and the way it " acts " . I've tamed the wild guy by a degree where i have full control over it .
The side effect is that i'm definitely addicted to jerking . If i miss a day due to some reason the next morning i already feel like raging bull . Good god that i have a punching bag installed in my room , otherwise i'd probably do something in total rupture with my calm nature .
Hahah and now the reason i've started writting all these shits above .
Latetly i've started to drop such humongus loads that it`s becoming a problem . And that`s only half of it . Before when i've felt that i have more than i'd like to spill in my bad , i could always take a safe shot somewhear safe , and i was " out of shells " for the day , which allows me to make " moke wars " without the fear that there`ll be casual victums . ( wtf is with the miliary metaphor ) . But now just a few hours after i've took a huge shot , i can evacuate the same amout of cum if not more , with no problems whatsoever ... damn . I bet there are public toilets with less dead " children " on the floor than in my room , not to mention the monitor the keyboad , the mouse pad and all others peripheral devices ... That`s much more of a problem than you may think , because i can`t fully enjoy myself , while trying to calulate where the shot will go . The surface of a single tissue isn`t even close enough to cover the distance my loads travel ...
Now that you are all aware of my " sexual " problems i feel good enough to stall the writting .
I hope you`ve found this text both amusing and and educational , if not ... well it`s not my problem so whatever ...
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